It's hard to put a finger on the wide ranger of bizarre emotions I'm feeling right now.
Before Trina and I broke up we had it in mind to set her friend Anthony up with my friend Sarah. They were basically are exact counterparts so we figured, why not set them up? Of course, before the two could meet I dumped Trina. Thankfully though, they both started talking before this would happen and they hit it off.
Exactly 2 weeks ago Trina and I break it off for good. No contact, anything. It's a long, annoying story but basically I was in the process of giving her a second chance when she decided to go retarded on me all over again in which I remembered why I broke up with her in the first place.
Flash-forward to this past week. Sarah tells me she's going down there for Anthony's birthday party and I tell her, and I quote "Guaranteed Trina will already have somebody else she's dating. She's the type of girl that can't sit idly or else she'll have to think about her life and all the changes she needs to make and it would drive her insane." Sure enough, I called it.
Part of me feels bad for Trina and at the same time I feel utterly vindicated for dumping her ass. One of my chief reasons was that I felt odd about everything. It just didn't feel right. Who goes from on the verge of marriage to their fiance right into a relationship with me, a guy she hasn't seen or talked to in 8 years and suddenly claims she's in love with? It doesn't make much sense. Sure, in movies and fucking Romance novels it may happen but those are idealist worlds where only the truly evil have any sort of detrimental psychological issues. Such behavior in the real world usually suggests some kind of inferiority complex... or something. But now she's jumped right from me into some other poor shlub, jumping from lily pad to lily pad in order to avoid falling into that bitter pond of self-actualization.
And yet, part of me actually feels betrayed. As selfish as that sounds coming from somebody that dumped her. It is because I held onto the good times we had and I held out some faint hope that maybe I was wrong about everything and those good times really did mean something. Now it turns out even the good shit about our relationship was probably just a facade to mask her own insecurity. And I put myself into it with genuine sincerity for a time. Now I don't even get to value the memories. I even recall in the conversation we had on the phone where we were going to decide to work things out somebody was trying to call her and she was very vague and gave a roundabout answer. This coming from a person that insisted she knew the details of every phone call I got from any girl friend. What a hypocrite.
So yeah, I feel bad for her, angry, and triumphant all at the same time.
But the only thing I feel regret for is not dumping her ass a lot sooner than I did.Current Mood: indescribable |
There is really no way to describe how I’m feeling right now. I’m not even sure if there is a word for it. It feels as if my entire body is bruised just under my skin and my eyes are just two smoking, charred gouged by a hot poker. I know what I did was the right thing to do, but yet the way I am feeling does not seem to me like the feeling somebody has when they do the right thing.
Why does it feel like shit? Why does doing the right thing mean hurting somebody you care about?
Not all right things are going to feel good.
Enough vague bullshit: I broke up with Trina. And it fucking sucked to do and I feel like I’m the one that got dumped. I can only imagine how she feels; a girl that does everything and anything at 110%. It was terrible. Absolute fucking horrorshow terrible. It was the worst thing, in recent or distant memory, that I’ve ever had to go through. But I know I had to do it.
There are a few of you that know how the past couple of months have been for me in lieu of my relationship with Trina. It’s been a series of extreme ups and downs. As I described it to Joel: It was like a gamma wave. For a time it would be total bliss, cloud-9, “you’re the one” type stuff. And then other times we are on the verge of breaking up, Trina threatening to walk out, screaming, yelling…then it would be back again. Trina thought she was bi-polar which of course, is baseless but it’s a good analogy to describe our relationship. If relationships could be bi-polar, that’d be what we had.
And all these bad times are directly based on the fact that Trina has severe self-esteem issues. If I got a phone call from a girl I had a relationship with there’d be a problem. A huge problem. I can understand jealousy… but when it balloons into the biggest fight you’ve ever had with a person then there is a problem. That was about a month into our relationship. Maybe less. After that fight I was never the same. When you find yourself screaming and yelling with such acidity something inside of you is laid bare. All of those veneers are stripped away leaving that pathetic, selfish piece of you exposed to the worst possible person you could ever have see it: yourself. I couldn’t look in the mirror for a while afterward without feeling like I was looking at some true, pathetic version of myself. Someone I never thought I could be. That set me down the road to which I have now reached the end of.
With every further fight we had, a few big ones and several small ones, I could feel that happiness slip away piece by piece and I felt that ugly troll I saw in the mirror getting uglier. It was only a matter of time before I actually became that ugly troll looking at a reflection of himself as the way he used to be.
She was a great girl; I’m convinced she still is. Based on the fact that my mother was crying to me on the phone not 10 minutes ago about the fact that Trina and I are broken up should be evidence of how good of a soul she is. She just needs to be aware of her full potential. There is a lot of unhappiness there, a lot of mistrust and fear that drags that beautiful person down. She’ll never be happy until she sheds that dead weight and realizes that she can be and do whatever the hell she wants. The person I fell in love with is in there and she wants to get out. She just needs to figure out how. And she needs to do it herself.
I just hope this helps her to do that.
I learned so much from her these past 5-6 months and I would have been willing to learn so much more. But I feel if I had stayed with her I would have become the person she was in constant fear of being with: a vindictive, snippy asshole that takes full advantage of her insecurity. I would be damned if I were to become that. As lame as it sounds, I didn’t just do this for me. Sure, I’m a big damned part of that but I know that in the end this is best for US.
It just feels like a big shit sandwich that I’ve now decided to eat. Life feels a lot emptier. That mirror troll hasn’t disappeared in the blink of an eye… he’s just standing there, shell-shocked wondering what to do now. “This wasn’t in the script.” So begins a long, dark winter.
I just want to open a hole into a parallel dimension and live there for a few months. Or at least stay in suspended animation. I don’t like this shit. I don’t like it at all.
Yours All,
Johnny AnarchyCurrent Mood:  numb |
Tomorrow afternoon:
I am going to a gun range. There I will be firing period weaponry. Some of which saw action in various wars. I will be firing the AR-15(nearly-identical cousin to the M-16), the M1903 Springfield rifle(used during WWII), the Thompson M1A1 submachine gun(or Tommy Gun), a rebored Japanese rifle used during WWII, and an AK-47.
There will be much smiling and giggling occurring and all of this will conclude with a night of cult movie watching.
I think I'm dead and this is heaven.Current Mood:  excited |
Yes,
Your pal Johnny always assumes the worst and leaves nothing to chance. If something good happens to me I usually find a way to downplay it in a desperate attempt to never let it get to my head. I'm told I do this way too frequently and it's true. It's gotten to the point where I can't even seem to enjoy the act of LIVING without finding the faults in actually doing so.
I also fear the worst based on the theory that if you always expect it, it can never come as a crippling surprise. Yet, I constantly worry. I worry over anything and everything. When love comes into my life I always view the link as tenuous; that the bond will snap should I do anything remotely idiotic causing the girl I love to go barreling off into the sunset, never wanting to see me again. Thusly I always become a simpering, nervous by-god wreck behind closed doors; always hoping to hide my worries from an unsuspecting(?) populace.
I have abandonment issues as well if you haven't guessed that already. It's kind of funny when you think about it. A man grows up without any other siblings, would at times have to fend for himself at home alone for days at a time (not that this is any huge feat in and of itself [see! Downplaying!]) and yet he actually fears being alone even though he tends to enjoy doing so by choice. But then, it's by choice. Abandonment, by it's very definition, gives choice to the abandoner not the abandoned.
I connect with people very easily. It's not hard for me to like a person when it comes down to it. Odds are they just have to make me laugh and I'm sold. I hate partings. I can say goodbye but only when I know it isn't going to last. Knowing I'm never going to see or talk to a certain person again tears me apart.
The way I see it, my heart has pieces of real estate. The amount of land a person gets on my heart is in direct correlation to the nature of my relationship to that person. My heart is a big place to be sure and the land is cheap but should any of these people leave they take the land with it. And what does it become when this occurs? Gaping holes. If enough people leave me it would be pretty fucking devastating. And I'm just getting older, as are the people around me. Christ, I'm going to be a wreck by middle age.
Anyway, the point of this blog is that I think I am going to endeavor to change my ways. At least the negative aspects anyway. I think I owe it to myself and others to be a more positive person. The flip side of the "expect the worst" coin is that if you feel positively about yourself then nothing can ever knock you down when it occurs.
Now, let's test this theory eh?
Yours All,
Looking to the future,
Johnny Anarchy |
"You are only truly alone when you've got nothing left to lose."
Yes, I am feeling excessively emo today.Current Mood: sad |
| » The Death Defying Tuesday Tundra Extravaganza Story |
|---|
Oh man.
What a friggin' night.
It had the potential for total disaster but I was saved by a man with a very long, steel rod. Work with me here.
It all began when I left my apartment with only half an hour to go before I had to be at my first of two classes for the day. With the absolutely shitty parking situation that is SUNY Albany I would only be able to do one of two things. One of which was an absolute necessity to have to perform and the other was absolutely frivolous. But that frivolous act involved WHITE HOT CHOCOLATE so, of course, I picked that one...you know, as opposed to putting much needed gas into my car. I decided "Well, I'm going to go get dinner with Megan after my night class so I'll just get gas on the way!"
But the Golden Haired Poodle God works in mysterious ways my friends. FORESHADOWING!!!
So my day goes on without much of a hitch and was actually pretty nice overall. That is...until I got out of my night class. It started off by leaving class talking to a fellow classmate by the name of James whom I made up in my mind as being "The Quentin Tarantino of History". No, that is not as scary as it sounds though I suppose it could have been. Not only does this guy have a passing resemblance to the manic filmmaker but he also has that same sort of unconscious enthusiasm about his subject of interest that allows him to talk about it in ceaseless din. This by no means is an insult as I actually enjoyed talking to the dude...but he completely disoriented me as to where I was.
When we parted company I started walking off to what I thought was where I had parked...only to discover I was on the exact opposite side of where I was supposed to be. This is one of the perks of the SUNY campus at night with it being a completely symmetrical layout of identical buildings and structures. So, for a few minutes I was lost. I laugh, shake my head and reorient myself after awhile. How embarrassing!
So I make my way out to the parking lot in which I am parked at the ass end, about as far away from the campus as to make it an annoying cold walk. I also had to pee. Great! I really wanted to get to Megan's!
I get to my car and unlock it from the passenger side. As most of you that have had the pleasure of riding in the Fun Wagon know, my driver's side door lock is broken so any unlocking of said vehicle needs to be done from the passenger side. Usually this involves me reaching in, starting the car, and then attempting to lock the car's passenger door in order to activate the lock safety which thereby unlocks all of the doors. The way it is supposed to work is that it is nearly impossible to lock your keys in your car with one of the doors open while the car is running.
That is the way it is supposed to work, and it is nearly impossible.
So yes, after locking and shutting the passenger side door I realized I had locked my keys in my car while It was running. It also had almost no gas. I also really had to pee.
Naturally, I do what any man does when faced with insurmountable odds.
I scream and yell and slap at my car effeminately. Then I harrass any and everybody to try and help me. Only one person seems to be remotely interested in helping a man with a stupid had and a "gay" scarf who is in dire need of help. Her help was insurmountable.
"You should call 411," she says, smiling politely while slowly backstepping in the direction of her car.
Uh, thanks. Why didn't I think of that?
I dial 411 and they transfer me to the SUNY Campus Main Number. The Main Number tells me to dial 416-3131 in case of an emergency. 416-3131 tells me it cannot be completed as dialed. I curse SUNY.
I see another person walking to their car and they are even less helpful and even more eager to leave me to the punishing frozen environs. I snarl. I then remember that the first person I encountered told me the Campus Security Office is located in the Campus Center which is a good hike from where I am...all the while my car idles aways its gas menacingly.
Shit.
I have no choice but to jog there for help. I begin to run...with a full bladder in the sub-zero windchill. Then I spot something that must assuredly help me. The BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL RAPE PHONE! I cautiously walk up to the phone. Should I use it? I ask myself. Are these blue phones only for attempted rapes or attacks? I look to see if there is maybe an emergency number etched on the phone. Nope. Fuck it. I pick up the phone.
Suddenly this military sounding guy picks up the phone like I just dialed into NORAD. Only this guy seems a little amped up on something. Like he just had a high colonic with pure Columbian coffee.
Military Security- "911 EMERGENCY HOTLINE!"
Me- "Hi, let me begin by apologizing for using this phone. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be using it for car situations."
MS- "TELL ME YOUR EMERGENCY!"
Me- "Ooookay. Well, I locked my keys in the car while it is running and I was wondering if somebody from Campus Security could come and jimmy my car."
MS- "THAT WOULD DEPEND! DOES IT HAVE POWER WINDOWS AND DOOR LOCKS?"
Me- "Uh...yeah." Don't the vast majority of vehicles have at least one of these nowadays?
MS- "THEN WE CANNOT HELP YOU!"
Me- "So you mean to tell me you can't jimmy my car because it has power windows and door locks?" ...even though I've fucking had this very car slimjimmed open?
MS- "THAT IS CORRECT!"
Me- "Then can you give me the number to the Albany Police Department so they can help me?"
MS- "THEY WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HELP YOU EITHER! ALL I CAN DO IS GIVE YOU THE NUMBER TO A TOW TRUCK SERVICE TO HELP YOU! BUT I HAVE TO DO IT NOW AS THIS IS AN EMERGENCY HOTLINE AND I HAVE OTHER CALLS COMING IN THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH!"
Okay, so Campus Security and the Albany Police Department are unable to assist me in areas whether for legal or technical reasons when a tow truck service can? I wanted to say "For fucks sake...there is somebody getting RAPED in my locked fucking car, NOW will you help me out before piss icicles start perforating my fucking bladder!?" but of course I didn't. I was too busy wondering just how many emergency calls this lone fucking security officer had to deal with on a Tuesday fucking night at 7PM!? Then I realized this is the SUNY Albany Campus so they probably were juggling several different rape calls at once. Those bastards. It's nice to know they've made life safer there.
Me- "Just forget it." I hang up.
Then I dial my dad. Hell, he'll be able to help. I get the answering machine. In my frustration I leave a long, hilariously angry message to my parents. I close with how much I love them and then when my remains are thawed I want buried under the blue phone at the college. I hang up. Then my cell phone tells me something horrible...
BATTERY LOW!! PLEASE RECHARGE!!
Damn you Poodle God! Now I don't know what the fuck to do. As a last resort I see these two guys laughing and about to get into their car. I say:
"Excuse me, I don't suppose any of you have a slimjim or a large fucking rock by any chance?"
"What's the problem?"
"Uh, I locked my keys in my car while it's running and I have very little gas."
The passenger guy becomes more interested.
Passenger Guy- "What kind of car is it?"
Me- "A Nissan Altima."
PG- "I think I can help."
Me- "You have a slimjim!?"
PG- "No, but I know how to break into your car. Show it to me!"
Naturally, I enthusiastically show it to the guy. He analysizes it with the scrutiny of a surgeon with a dash of the engineer.
PG- "I can do this."
Suddenly a van shows up. The occupants are friends of the Passenger Guy and ask what he is doing. He tells them my situation and that he is helping me. They light up.
Man Driving Van- "You really lucked out man. This guy can break into ANYTHING!"
Needless to say my hopes are lifted. The Passenger Guy asks his van buddies if they still have "the wedge" in the back of their van. They say "Of course!" and he procures the large wooden wedge in a matter of seconds.
PG- "Watch this, man! I'm going to show you how to break into a car using a car antenna!"
Wow. This I have to see.
Seconds later he is unscrewing the antenna from off of his friend's car and my curiousity (and sincerest hope) is piqued. Passenger Guy puts the wedge into the top of my driver's side door and tells me to push down hard on it. The door seperates from the car a fairly good deal allowing Passenger Guy to slip the car antenna through the top of the door at an angle. After some failed attempts and jiggering Passenger Guy finally succeeds in depressing the automatic door lock thusly unlocking all of the doors!
I squeal in girlish delight and throw the vast majority of the money I have in my wallet at him in thanks. I then jump into my car and coast to the nearest gas station where I promptly fill up my car.
A serious bullet was dodged. I both fear and love you Poodle God.
Hours later when my mom finally calls me back I tell her all that happened to me. Naturally, being as how she is a damned mother, her first question is:
"How much money did you give him!?!"
"I don't know. 40 dollars?"
"40!? HE WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH 20!!"
"Not as happy as I was not to be stuck without help in the cold with a car that had my keys locked in it running low on gas and without a fucking phone to call for help!"
"...okay, maybe you have a point."
The point of this story is...keep a fucking spare key inserted under your skin at all times and only use THE RAPE PHONE if you are actually getting raped...but not if you are locked in a car or a room as it is happening because then Campus Security nor the Albany Police Department can help you.
I still feel cold.
Yours All,
One Lucky Fucker,
Johnny Anarchy
Feb. 8th, 2007 @ 10:19 am
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| » A Pebble Falling Down a Mountainside Precludes a Rockslide |
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Okay,
So last night my friend Sarah and I went out drinking. I just recently started hanging out with Sarah independently of our mutual friend and I really have to say everytime I go out with that girl it ends up being an interesting, to oddly bizarre, night.
Since Sam and I broke up, I have been out in Albany by myself maybe 3 times. 2 of those times I have run into Sam...in the only 2 times she has really been out (according to her anyway). This isn't unwelcome at all of course as I still really like the girl but it does fall under the oddly bizarre category.
Something else that falls under the oddly bizarre heading: I was outside with Sarah as she was taking a smoke break in order to get some fresh air/cooler air when a man talks to us through the gate to the outside.
Pale Scruffy Stranger-"Hey, can anybody spare a cigarette?"
This isn't odd for a random stranger to ask, but this guy had a rather pathetic aspect about him. Apparently, he had asked for and received several cigarettes over the course of the night. Alright, whatever. He comes back a few minutes later...
PSS"Anybody here like frozen shrimp?"
Me-"What?"
PSS-"Frozen shrimp."
Me-"You want to give us frozen shrimp?"
PSS-"I got some frozen shrimp out here that I'll charge...uh...-inaudible price-"
Sarah-"I think that's our cue to go back inside."
Now here is where the title of this entry comes in...
I see this girl who I had seen, and flirted with mind you, several times begin to stand on a chair in an effort to take this Santa Claus hat off the top of a Christmas tree inside the dance area. Seeing as how she was on her tippy-toes on this chair and the potential for disaster was almost certain I decide to be the nice guy and grab the hat off the top of the tree for her. I figure it'll be worth a smile and a few flirty exchanges, why not?
So I grab it off the tree for her and she thanks me with the aforementioned smile I was hoping for and then proceeds to put the Santa Claus hat on me. What can I say? I'm one of those guys that will wear anything when a pretty girl smiles at him...even if it's a vest of high explosives. She then gives me an assload of candycanes from the tree and tells me to sit down. Uh, okay. She tells me she is going to pimp me out. After a shocked silence I say: OK. The first girl she brings over to me is this nice brunette who tells she was told she had to sit on my lap for a candycane. I say okay, but then she says: "How about a hug instead?" That's fine by me. We hug.
And that was the catalyst for this girl to be macking on my the WHOLE damned night apparently.
I know I have a renown for giving good hugs, but this was taking it a bit too far. She was a sweet girl, yet there was something about her non-recognition of personal space and her constant, ceaseless stream of information that was unsettling. Only a couple minutes after talking to her she wants to give me a high five. I oblige of course, unaware of this girl's "Venus Flytrap Hand Holding Technique" which is actually quite genius when I think about it. I high-five her and she clutches my hand...and continues to hold it for longer than the unconscious time limit in which two people that don't know each other from Adam are supposed to. During the few times over the course of the night I was seperated from her I could see her watching me from afar...especially as I danced with Sarah and other girls. It was...odd. Flattering, but fucking odd. She was a very nice girl and endearing in her totally nerdlike, socially awkward way.
During one moment after a barrage of information being twisted into my ear (I can't remember if it was the relaying of the why her roommate wants her to move out [her cat] or what life is like for her in Missoula, Montana [David Lynch's hometown!]) but she finally stopped and said:
The Girl-"I've been talking for so long. Tell me something about yourself."
Me-"Hmm, what?"
The Girl-"Tell me something about yourself. Anything."
Me-"Uhh..."
I really couldn't think of anything about myself I really felt like talking about. I fall back onto an old standby...
Me-"Ok, ask me a question about myself."
The Girl-"What question?"
Me-"I don't know. Any question."
She then proceeds to think...and think...and think...and think. She is actually seriously thinking of a question for a good five minutes and I am brought to the verge of laughter. Finally, she looks at me and says...
The Girl-"What was the single most defining moment of your life?"
My face goes slack.
The Girl-"Ok, maybe that was too much of a question to start off with."
Me-"Yeah, let's scale back a few thousand miles."
Yeah, she was a goofy girl...but for a potential stalker, in retrospect, she was a sweetheart. Though not so much of a sweetheart to the point where she didn't terrify me. She was about to leave when she approached Sarah and I who were sitting back in a corner...
The Girl-"Well, it looks like our train is rolling out so I just wanted to say goodbye."
Me-"Have a nice night."
The Girl-"It was really nice talking to you."
Me-"Thanks, you too."
She then leans over and gives me a lingering kiss on the cheek, the type of kiss the kisser wishes was somewhere else. This was followed by an embrace...all from a girl I maybe said 10 full sentences to the entire night. She left with a smile and then Sarah laughed at me (this was because, the whole damned night while this girl was talking to me, Sarah hung me out to dry, laughing at me from afar. That vile woman).
Sarah-"What was that girl's name?"
Me-"You know...I don't even remember."
Sarah-"You don't even remember that girl's name!?"
Me-"I'm not even sure she told me. If she did it was the first thing she told me and it was lost in the blur of me being drunk and scared."
Yeah, Sarah and I have to go out more often. That was a fun, fucking weird as hell night.
Yours All,
This is the single most defining moment of my life,
Johnny Anarchy
Dec. 31st, 2006 @ 12:02 pm
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| » BS Output #2 |
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"I may not have head but my girls do! 50 dollars!"
Dec. 9th, 2006 @ 12:51 pm
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| » Bullshit Output #1 |
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Yeah.
Nov. 10th, 2006 @ 11:57 pm
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| » Mindoetry |
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Sometimes I feel lonely,
It's an inevitable feeling really.
We all must be alone,
We all have to travel lightly,
Yet our brains keep packing all the stuff,
We don't really need for the journey.
The seasons always represent life,
The living, the dying, the rebirth,
I've always been fond of Autumn,
Does that mean I'll be happiest when I'm dying?
I've always liked Winter at its coldest,
Only the true cold can make you truly feel alive.
How's that for irony?
My life is made up of future happy moments,
That I already miss.
There are people that I've never met,
That I can't wait to know.
There are things that I know will happen,
That are already fond memories.
Everything that has already happened,
Is a slowly dissipating wisp of smoke,
In a slow, cool breeze.
Nov. 9th, 2006 @ 11:48 pm
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| » Rape |
|---|
I was walking back to my car from class the other day when this beautiful red-haired girl came up to me. She smiled and time seemed to slow down as a result. I smiled back almost unconsciously, mesmerized by her beauty. The girl batted her eyes flirtatiously and I could feel a slight electric charge bounce back and forth between us.
She handed me something. A flyer of some kind. It didn't really matter. I was too entranced by the natural beauty of the girl to notice. She then walked past me, holding her eyes on me for a second longer than what would have been considered mere friendliness. Her eyes then looked away, trailing that magnetic force that sent tingles up and down my spine with it, like fingertips lightly brushing my heart as she walked past.
All of that lasted maybe 10 seconds. I soaked it in and took a deep, satisfied breath. I then looked down at what she handed me:
"HOW TO PREVENT RAPE ON CAMPUS."
I did a double take. What a bizarre thing to share a moment over, I thought. While I was struck by the strangeness of the ordeal I was reminded of what happened on my campus recently.
A female student was with two friends of hers, two guys she knew, when they decided to rape her. Of course, that is what I could conclude from what I read. The details of what happened haven't been divulged as of yet...though now there has been a third student arrested. All three were players on the SUNY Albany football team. It's suddenly beginning to look like something along the lines of a larger gang rape. I'm tempted to say this is worse but when it comes to rape in general what is worse? Is it worse to be raped by an unknown attacker or by somebody you called a friend? It's all reprehensible and inconceivable no matter what the particulars are.
This seems to be an epidemic lately.
It's something that has even struck the hospital where I work. A man who used to work here, that I used to encounter all the time, was arrested along with another man for breaking into a girl's apartment, kidnapping her at gunpoint, raping her and then going back 15 minutes later to do the same thing to her friend. Her friend who was hiding in the closet of the girl's apartment.
What drives these nutcases to do stuff like this? Is it a power thing? Some sort of uncontrollable id-like desire for sex? While I don't know what brings this shit on I do know it's one of the most self-important, disgusting acts a human being can commit.
I have a lot of girl friends. For the most part, I tend to prefer girl friends to guy friends. Girls tend to be a lot more open and considerate and the range of topics you can discuss are nearly limitless...whereas your stereotypical male's range of topics usually fall in three categories: getting laid, sports, or cars.
The thought of any of my girl friends getting raped fills me with such a mania that I know if it were to ever occur I'd probably be committing murder. Or at the very least an assault and battery that will leave the sick fuck in a coma. What can I say? I'm a sweetheart.
College in general is just a scary, risky place to have sex anyway. Not only are any number of STDs rampant but alcohol is about as prevalent as your average 8-page paper. You've got your "Thirsty Thursdays", "$1 Shot Wednesdays", "Blue Tuesdays"...basically any excuse to be consistently drunk throughout the week. Drinking and sex is just bad practice in my opinion. I remember preventing a friend of mine from having sex with a drunk girl because I was worried of what was to come. She was a consenting adult quite obviously...but she was also a completely drunk consenting adult while my friend really wasn't. That is just bad. Hell, even if he was drunk as well it would've been bad. That friend of mine was pissed at me for about a week afterward. It eventually hit him what I did though and he thanked me for it. He was deluded by his desire to get laid to the point where the fact that she was drunk off her ass wasn't really taken into account. And I don't think I have to say how this would have affected the girl, or my friend for that matter. Earlier that year a kid from my hallway was taken out in handcuffs for raping a girl. He had seemed like a good kid too. Hell, he even had a girlfriend from back home that came to visit him. Whether it was the result of taking advantage of a drunk girl or a brutal rape I have no idea. But does it really matter?
If you are going to hook up with somebody, please, for the love of god make sure they are truly cognizent of what they are getting into. If a girl is too drunk to even stand please, for the love of all that is holy, reconsider what you are doing. And if you feel the compulsion to rape a girl please, either put a bullet in your head or have yourself committed. I refuse to believe that people don't realize what they are doing is wrong.
It's a scary world people. A scary fucking world.
Yours All,
Disgusted,
Johnny Anarchy
Oct. 27th, 2006 @ 06:48 pm
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| » The Utter Pessimist |
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The oppressive sun shone down out of a mockingly blue sky, arrogantly rubbing in his face their very existence; An existence he loathed at every instance of it's evidence. The clouds too, being violently torn apart like fluffy cotton across the drowning victim blueness squeezed out of his blackening lungs a snort of disgust.
Leaving his apartment the heat of the day hit him in the face like a wet mop and his dark clothes soon clung to his skin in damp desperation as he made his way down to his car. Children, blissfully unaware of the triteness of it all, danced in the dirty street under the vile spray of a nearby fire extinguisher. The heat breaking temporarily as the undrinkable water played magician's games with their skin, fooling them into thinking it was a wonderful day. It wasn't. Another child absently licked an ice cream cone, no doubt supplied by an enslaved parent, oblivious to the viral bacteria in his sausagelike intestines that anxiously awaited the lactose concoction like baby birds hungering for the worm. He both pitied and envied (only slightly) their idiotic delusions. He found his keys in an overfilled pocket. He grumbled in delight of their discovery.
As he fumbled with his keys in the car door the sun made one last desperate attempt to kill him, blinding him temporarily with a ricocheted sunbeam from off his car window. He cursed out loud through bared teeth as he scrambled into his car. Yet, it was all a clever ruse by that horrible whore of a sun to get him inside where the air within threw a plastic bag of heat over his head from behind nearly suffocating him. The keys rattled desperately into the ignition and turned on the car, hot air blew out of the vent like cannon fire earning it an angry growl of disapproval. All four windows rolled down nearly at once, saving him from an utterly undignified end in that iron bosom of rusting metal. He dabbed at his sweat slimed forehead with a sleeve. Now the stifling air was replaced with the smog infested smell of the city. He sneared.
All the way to work he got a passing view of life in the city: the dirty frumpled people, some absent from reality, others just absent and he bared his teeth at them. It was a kaleidoscope of dirt and grit and sweat and sloth and he despised it all. Finally, he pulled into the empty parking lot and was further disgusted to find that familiar blue haired crone in her flowered dress anxiously waiting for him. He parked his jalopy of a car into his usual spot and breathed a labored sigh. The opening of his driver's door felt he was depantsed, bending over a prison chair abjectly accepting his fate from a fellow inmate.
He walked to the door where that whithering witch with her yellowing paper skin waited for him with a nearly toothless smile, her non-existant lips like a crater's edge were smeared with lipstick. Her blue hair was spun up into a rat's nest of ribbons in some humorously ineffective attempt at reacquiring her childhood. He smiled at her derisively.
"Good morning, Father," she said with a honeyed voice.
I fucking hate Sundays, the priest thought.
I felt like writing at least SOME kind of fiction since I have been struggling with my first academic paper in 6 years. School is pain.
Yours All,
Author of my own suffering,
Johnny Anarchy
Oct. 7th, 2006 @ 06:40 pm
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| » Sticksfigure: The Last Temptation of Croc, Part 1! |
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I still can't get over how much coverage The Crocodile Hunter's death still gets weeks later. I think it's AWESOME.
This strip is going to follow the immediate events that I surmise took, and are taking place in the afterlife involving Steve Irwin.
PREPARE!
...and yes, I am in a weird mood.
Sep. 30th, 2006 @ 01:23 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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Well,
I am moving up this sunday. Literally. I am moving up to the second floor of my very selfsame building. This has left me rather confused on just how much I should actually pack. Thankfully, my TV and other items don't need to be secured and buffeted with pillows and towels taped to their sides which is nice. Yet, for my DVDs and such...I really don't know what the heck I am going to do. Just bring them all up by hand? It looks like it. I'll probably just put everything in one big pile and then use the rest of the time to try to put everything in order.
Ah, the fun.
I hate fun.
Beyond the actual physical aspects of the move I've been pretty melancholy about it on the whole. I've gotten used to having Sam there when I get home. I've gotten used to watching TV with her or just attempting to talk to her as she becomes enraptured by online Scrabbling. I'm going to miss her and her presence. I'm going from that...to being pretty damned alone.
I hope I like being alone, though something tells me it's going to take awhile.
If anybody wants to come visit me during this lonely time you are more than welcome.
Yours All,
Sad Lonely Boy,
Johnny Anarchy
Sep. 28th, 2006 @ 09:31 pm
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| » My Halloween Costume |
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Okay,
I think I've figured out what I am going to be for Halloween. I'm going to be Arcade, goofy Marvel Universe supervillain who specializes in building traps and deadly amusement parks for superheroes.
Think I can pull it off?
Sep. 9th, 2006 @ 03:59 pm
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| » TDS #5: Yippee-Kiy-Ay, Mr. Falcon! |
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One movie I will always love is Die Hard.
It is the movie that released Alan Rickman on an unsuspecting populace. It is also a movie a few close friends and I will laugh at all the way through. Not that we think Die Hard is a bad movie, just the opposite in fact. It's just that it's so damned quotable. I think my friends and I could recite just about every line from the movie verbatim.
Die Hard is awesome.
You ask for miracles Theo, I give you the F...B...I.
Aug. 23rd, 2006 @ 11:57 pm
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| » Survivor: Mason-Dixon Line |
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Next Survivor Season to feature teams based on race.
You know, some people are calling this a ratings ploy and I think it's working.
This will be the first time I've EVER watched a Survivor episode in my life let alone an entire season. I also figure anything that gets more minorities on TV the better, as opposed to reality shows having the token black person or token asian. How can it be anything but good?
Besides, this will get people talking. Especially if a caucasian wins the whole thing. Can you imagine that? All I know is, if a caucasian wins it better be a woman...or else it will be overwhelmingly, and deliciously, controversial.
How the heck can you NOT watch this?
Aug. 23rd, 2006 @ 08:22 pm
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| » The Amorous Affectations of an Afflicted Ass |
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Strange happenings all.
Ever since Sam and I broke up I have been overloading on "lovey feelings". There doesn't seem to be a girl that comes under my attention that I don't seem to develop a little crush on. And it is just building up. I am becoming a little schoolgirl when it comes to getting a girl's attention...being it something cursory or something more acute.
EDIT: I forgot to make an analogy that I thought of. My feelings right now can be compared to the main storyline this past season in Lost. When I was with Sam I was able to punch the numbers in every 109 minutes. Now that my computer is busted, that electomagnetic energy is going to build up without a release. Yeah. There you go. I'm a geek.END OF EDIT
It's funny...okay, maybe not so funny since it makes a bit of sense. The one girl I have been having contact with I really don't feel anything for. Yet, every other girl has come under my amorous eye. It's not like it's horniness or anything either(well, to an extent it is), but a desire to have a close emotional connection.
Right now I'm enamored with a friend I haven't seen in a couple years and a pregnant girl who has a boyfriend to name a few. Both of these girls aren't exactly an option yet, I can't seem to control the batting of my eyelashes or the wistful sighing. Okay, yes, I don't bat my eyelashes or sigh wistfully...on the outside.
So yes, if you are girl you should probably stay far, far away from me for the next couple of months. Unless, of course, you want your bootay tapped then please come on down.
-siiiiiiiiiigh-
Aug. 18th, 2006 @ 05:49 pm
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